What are gay relationship goals?
Relationship goals can help you create a healthy gay relationship. They assist you in improving how you both give and receive love in your relationship.
Why do I want goals in my relationship?
Everyone wants to receive love in a way that makes them happy. Inversely, you also want to give love in a way that makes your partner happy. The benefit of successful relationship goals is that both you and your partner are giving and receiving love in ways that make you both happy.
Since everyone enjoys being happy in their relationship, people with and working toward relationship goals will always do better than those without.
Relationship goals for happiness together
Nurture individual and joint gay and straight friendships
You’re still two individuals, so you should maintain and make individual relationships and nurture mutual friendships. Your life as an individual is just as important as building your life together. The same is true about the friendships in your life. And having a diverse group of friends that include straight and LGBTQ people in your lives is great for your overall mental health.
Follow your passions
You’re inspired by and passionate about things. Your partner won’t be inspired or impassioned by all the same things. Pursue the things that you’re passionate about, regardless of whether your partner shares those passions.
Never stop learning
Challenging yourself and each other is a great way to continue a journey of personal growth. A commitment to learning keeps your interests stoked and your intellect keen, plus it’s great to learn new things about yourself, each other, and the world.
Create joint projects
Working on things together means that you get to develop a sense of teamwork together. Projects you’re both interested in and invested in create extra motivation for team building and learning each other’s work styles.
Talk openly about money
Talking about money is the first step. If you share a life, you have bills together. Talk about spending, saving, goals, and aspirations. Be on the same page, agree on how to split financial responsibilities, and plan how to handle money.
Develop a budget and savings goals
It’s great to talk about money and be on the same page, but to attain long-term goals and happiness you also have to have plans for your money. Create a budget so you can see and plan where your money is going. Then develop saving goals to reach bigger life goals (buy a house?), actively put money away, and have things to look forward to. I often recommend the Barefoot Investor book for many of the couples I work with that have issues around money and want to develop a strong financial future.
Find other happy and healthy LGBTQ+ couples to spend time with
People who are already achieving happy and healthy gay relationships can serve as a role model for your relationship. They’re great people to spend time around, too!
Address issues quickly and directly
It’s normal to have issues or conflicts in your relationship. Talk about them. Turn your issues into a communication exercise. De-escalate the tension and open a dialogue about the problem as soon as possible. Don’t let it fester. Focus on listening to each other, understanding the problem from both sides, and working together to find a solution.
Find win-win solutions – always
When conflict arises in your relationship, sometimes, you need to employ some creative problem-solving. You can’t always get what you want, but you can always compromise. A compromise is when you both give a little and still walk away happy. It doesn’t mean one person gives in, and the other person gets what they want. Every compromise looks like some kind of win for both parties.
Repair quickly after conflict
It’s crucial after an argument or row to make amends promptly. Prioritising repairing things after a fight means you fix the hurt, are then able to let go of resentments, and can get back to enjoying life quickly. Listen to your partner with empathy, validate each other’s feelings and thoughts, take responsibility for the problem, and apologise.
Be curious about each other
Unless you were born with your partner and have shared every single life experience with them, there will always be things you don’t know about your partner – especially as you both grow and change. Stay curious about each other and continue making an effort to know one another.
Prioritise each other
Put your relationship first. Put your partner first. Take care of each other and put each other’s best interests high up on your priorities list. Make sure your partner knows and feels that they’re essential to your life.
Be open with each other
Society has been and still can be harsh to members of the LGBTQ+ community. Many of us have learned to hide or disappear, from conversations, from situations, from important people in our lives. You mustn’t hide from your partner. Be open with your partner and share your intimate thoughts and feelings. They know you’re LGBTQ+ and accept you, let them in.
Make commitments and keep them
Being a life partner means being the person that your partner can rely on. When you stumble or get tripped up by life, you want to know your partner is there to catch you or help you up off the ground. Offer them the same dependability in return. If you make promises or commitments, stick to them and follow through.
Actively do things for each other, surprise each other
Don’t take each other for granted. It’s easy to default to only what’s necessary, but intentionally doing things for each other creates goodwill and feelings of being special. Grand gestures for each other (surprises) can be fun too, but they can’t take the place of the little things or make up for periods of neglect.
Build an LGBTQ+ support network
Everyone needs a support network of trusted people to help them through life’s rough patches. Your support network is strongest if it includes people who can empathise with and understand your life experiences. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community, it’s beneficial to have other LGBTQ+ people in your life to offer you support in times of need.
Have fun, be kind
Do things just because they’re fun: let go, be silly, try new things, and revisit old pastimes. Enjoying downtime with your partner is just as important as successfully navigating the logistics of your life together. The good vibes of enjoying your time together will make it easier to be generous with how you view your partner and what you put into the relationship. Take the time to be kind to one another.
Be clear on sexual agreements
The boundaries you set for your gay relationship are right for you and your needs. Be clear on what those boundaries are and adhere to them. If you agree to an open relationship, practice an open relationship if you decide on monogamy, practice monogamy. Have an open conversation about the sexual boundaries of your relationship and then stick to them. You can revisit those boundaries at any time, but until you reach a new agreement, the old boundaries need to be honoured.
Holding hands is a simple way to continue building intimacy in your relationship. It re-establishes your connection and brings a small touch of romance to your daily outings. There may have been a time in your life when you felt like you couldn’t hold hands with romantic partners, don’t let that hold you back now. Show your affection and be proud of it.
Introduce your partner to your family
Accepting and loving yourself, your partner, and your relationship is essential. Hiding is detrimental not only to your relationship but to your mental health as well. Introducing your same-sex partner to your family is a step toward developing and feeling LGBTQ+ pride.
Make time for romance and never stop flirting
Flirting isn’t a means to an end, but an end itself. Flirting is fun, and it keeps fun in your relationship. It’s also a great way to open the door for romance in your relationship. Romance doesn’t have to be expensive either, do simple things together that make you both feel the love you have between you.
Make each other laugh
Laugh with each other, laugh at each other’s silliness, and laugh at the crazy situations you get into. Tell jokes, appeal to each other’s sense of humour, and laugh together. It’s hard not to be happy when there’s laughter.
When life is so busy you feel like congratulating yourself for making adequate time to eat, it’s easy to let aspects of your relationship go by the wayside. However, regular sex is both great for your health and great for your relationship. Scheduling sex into your routine may seem less romantic, but knowing you have sex to look forward to at a certain time can build up anticipation and be just as exciting.
Get to know the LGBTQ+ allies in your community
Knowing there are allies in your community adds a sense of comfort to being openly out as a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or non-binary individual and couple. Acceptance and love from the people in your immediate environment lend a sense of support and ease about your sexual identity. It’s another group of people you don’t feel you need to hide from, allowing you more comfort to be your genuine self. Not to mention, it expands your social network.
Have a vision for your LGBTQ family
Being future-oriented helps you gain an idea of what you want, what you’re striving for. Ask yourself what your family looks like in an ideal situation. Imagine what roles everyone plays and what values form the bedrock of your family. What does it look like now, next year, in 5 years? Then talk about this with your partner. Having an aligned vision of the family that you’re building allows you to engage in your relationship with more direction and focus.
Create joint adventures
Adventuring together means new and shared experiences. You aren’t getting bogged down by the same humdrum every day if you actively make an effort to create joint adventures. They can be big or small. The point is to experience new things together. It may be a new café down the road or a ski trip in the Alps, just experience it for the first time together.
Protect each other, have each other’s back
Keeping each other safe will keep the relationship safe. Protect your partner from both internal (each other) and external threats. Be in each other’s corner and present a united front. Don’t put your partner in a position of being vulnerable and alone in public situations.
Come out to your friends and family
There’s a lot of strain in a relationship if one or both partners aren’t out, and it holds relationships back. When you’re hiding all or part of yourself or your relationship from people in your life, you cannot grow, your intimacy is limited, and your experiences are far more stressful. Coming out as LGBTQ+ to your friends and family releases that stress and strain, allowing you to be your genuine self.
Prioritise one-on-one time
Quality time together with the kids, the dog, or your friends is important, but it’s just as necessary to have one-on-one time with your partner. Putting time towards connecting, building intimacy in your relationship, and just checking in and taking care of each other is essential to your relationship’s vitality.
Regularly affirm your relationship commitment
Committing is a big step, and reminding yourself and your partner of your relationship commitment in a positive way brings security and strength into the relationship. It improves on the connection you have with your partner. A commitment can be a verbal commitment of your love and commitment for each other or deciding to get married. The great thing is you now get to choose.
Gay relationships that have and continuously pursue relationship goals are happier and function better than those that don’t. Build these goals into your relationship to help you and your partner achieve long-term happiness together.